Who Are These Snobs?

-Julian “Batteries Not Included” Kersh-

Whether you’re calling it soccer, fútbol or football, Julian Kersh is an aficionado through and through. You’ve all heard the cliché “It’s more than a sport,” but for Kersh, the beautiful game is a true love.
Their love affair began cerca 1991 when he donned the electric blue T-shirt that was his first soccer jersey and continues today, wilder than ever. After catching up to his delusions of grandeur for the big leagues, Kersh hung up the cleats (Diadora Sensibles or Total 90s, depending on his mood) in terms of competitive play, allowing him plenty of time to watch and critique those who play the beautiful game best.

Before he became completely absorbed with the wonder that is the English Primier League, he was always intrigued by this apparent pageantry that was synonymous with this Liverpool FC he had heard about. And after bearing witness to a little Miracle, he was hooked. Ever since, his back has been decorated with an elaborate tattoo of the Liverpool FC crest… a metaphorical tattoo, at least.

Now, his devotion to the Reds and utter respect and obsession for the EPL have taught him much more about the game in the last five years than he ever knew prior, and he’s ready to use that know-how with his lifelong passion to convince you he’s right about everything soccer.

-Rob “Rowboytoe” Dominguez-

From the young age of seven, when an angry Scotsman that would make Groundskeeper Willie blush picked him up by his ears, Rob Dominguez has been a diehard supporter and enigmatic midfielder that stepped onto the pitch and never looked back.

Growing up with Kersh, Dominguez developed a mind for the game, which he’s transferred over into a coaching career, taking him to the UK to work with Celtic FC this summer.

Dominguez’s mind for the game shows his preference for a particular brand of football that is, arguably, the most steadfast and brilliant incarnation of the game in this day and age. He, of course, is a devoted supporter of Arsenal FC. Not wavered or worried by an absence of silverware over past seasons – Dominguez is ever faithful in his gunners.

Dominguez not only uses this mind for teaching the Beautiful Game to talented players, but when consuming far too many beers and finding an opponent he feels worthy enough to argue with: generally a wall or empty stool will meet the need. Most days of the week he can be found at the Homewood Soccer Park where he works as the Assistant Director of Coaching from 12:00AM to 11:59PM.

Note: He still has not worn a Rangers’ Jersey since that fateful day in June of 1996.

-Jon “Legendinho II” Ballenger-

Ballenger’s love for the game developed later than most, but the guy is a genius through and through.  His encyclopedic knowledge  is somewhat disturbing at times, but he’s still a pretty good dude.

He is a devout supporter of Tottenham Hotspur, and the United States National Team for which he is a participating member of the “American Outlaws”.  Whether he is singing “When the Spurs Go Marching In”, or the Outlaws cheer, “We Love Ya”, his passion and love for both squads is unwavering.  Wednesday, April 14th, there was a small natural disaster here in the southeast that was spurred directly from Ballenger’s apartment as Danny Rose sank the scum from 30 yards out.

His studious approach to the game has developed an all-encompassing knowledge pertaining to both club and countries worldwide.  Whether your discussing history, tactics, transfer talk, ect., he is your guy. 

He is a fantastic addition to Total Football, and is determined to help stamp this blog’s place among the most insightful in the world.

Come On You Spurs.  Come On You Yanks.

-John Collie “Helter” Skelton-

If Skelton were to be summed up by two words, “football nut” would be the most appropriate.  Hailing from Culpepper, Virginia, his hometown is a region that breathes “The Beautiful Game” with both the rich traditions of UVA Soccer and noted MLS club, D.C. United. 

Skelton is a devoted supporter of DC, Liverpool FC, and the United States Men’s National Team.  For D.C., he is an infamous member of the supporters group, Barra Brava; and is a participating member of the American Outlaws with Ballenger.  If the Americans are playing east of the Mississippi River, you can bet that Skelton will be there.   

His knowledge for the game worldwide is brilliant.  A self-described admirer of British commentator Tim Vickery, Skelton styles himself in the same fashion.  Always sharp, always on point.  For God’s sake, he owns a 2007-2008 Harry Kewell jersey.  Reds fans can understand the humor in this possession.  

Skelton is another fine edition to “Total Football”, and is easily the prize signing in our transfer window this summer. 


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